I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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