You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
