That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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