I puked a lego.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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