Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
