you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
