Will you blow on my dice?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize