You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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