the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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