is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
