Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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