No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
