i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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