4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
