Where is the hickey?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
