why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
