Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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