So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
