After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
