420 ftw
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
