didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
