Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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