And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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