How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
