I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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