my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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