Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
