That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
