so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
