it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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