I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
