If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
