It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
