Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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