Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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