grandma shit on top of the toilet
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
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