I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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