my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
