The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My pussy is not your playground.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
