This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
