Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
