Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
