There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i came on her dog
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
