so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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