she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Panties = found
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
