Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
