In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
