Kiss
Puke
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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