Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
