either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
