he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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