He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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