Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize