also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
