Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
