I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
