Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
