I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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