And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
