I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
