I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
