It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
