i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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