the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
