I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
