I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
