I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
