You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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