There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
