I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
