i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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