Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize