just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
