So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Randomize
