did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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