Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
