I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
